i'm headed down to d.c. late this evening b/c the breakdancer-in-chief has challenged me to a b-boy dance-off. the fool obviously hasn't seen breakin'; while not the main character (i am a dood, you know), i'm straight fly enough to be the entire supporting cast as well as the extras on set. sheeeeat....

i also get to roam around the capital with a kindred spirit:



while i'm at a loss to identify her birthday, favorite color, or whether or not she has any siblings (little brother?), i can rattle off the 4,000,012 reasons why she's so special to me in particular and the world as a whole. i'm also being introduced to her new love interest, which is sehr exciting...

i'm also running around town with another kindred spirit. conor's not so good looking next to cheryl, so you have to click here for a look.

hasta...

how to combat contraction within the manufacturing sector? reclassify fast food jobs as manufacturing rather than service sector positions. this comes straight out of the den at 1600. i question whether this is sound strategy. how does one promote the sudden growth in manufacturing while simultaneously fending off accusations about the use of rhetorical politics to compensate for a failure to legitimately grow the economy? how would that work? as in, would ALL fast food positions be redefined, or just those that *assemble* the hamburgers? there are quite a lot of people working at mcdonalds, burgerking, in & out, et al. could W(anker) legitimately claim growth in the manufacturing sector when it's so fooken obvious 2 million decently paying jobs haven't been created with the scratch of a pen?

it's apparent why we have leaders to help add meaning to our otherwise miserable existence. i somehow suspected attacks on the social fabric would occur through the consolidation of finite resources, further expansion of the arms race, continued trends in global warming, the slaughter of common economic opportunities, and possibly even the "spread" of islam (<---joke). shit was i wrong. what other than a resounding THANK YHWH would demonstrate my utmost gratitude for our visionary-in-chief's morally prescient leadership? apparently it's those dammed faggots that eat away like termites at the foundations of our very just and very equitable society:

"The union of a man and woman is the most enduring human institution, honoring — honored and encouraged in all cultures and by every religious faith. Ages of experience have taught humanity that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society. Marriage cannot be severed from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening the good influence of society.

"Government, by recognizing protecting marriage, serves the interests of all. Today, I call upon the Congress to promptly pass and to send to the states for ratification an amendment to our Constitution defining and protecting marriage as a union of a man and woman as husband and wife. The amendment should fully protect marriage while leaving the state legislatures free to make their own choices in defining legal arrangements other than marriage.

"America's a free society which limits the role of government in the lives of our citizens. This commitment of freedom, however, does not require the redefinition of one of our most basic social institutions. Our government should respect every person and protect the institution of marriage."

remember: serves the interests of ALL. this mpa is presumably so magnanimous as to provide for the pre-determined interests of even those denied their basic humanity. well, i take that back; no one's denied his/her basic humanity because there isn't a single person capable of determining the essence of simple life. there are, however, instruments of society that serve to recognize a person's inherent humanity. i'm curious to read the wording of the proposed mpa. apparently some congresswoman introduced a bill, but from what i read awol hasn't endorsed any specific legislation other than to say, "you gays are EEEEVIL." i imagine the mpa he eventually signs on to will provide further dictums for how we can reasonably love one another. expected provisions include the criminalization of adultery, the exclusion of married (wo)men from strip clubs, cumpulsory family time, limits on the amount of business travel, and mandatory attendance at your son's football game (mpa will keep boys seperated from percieved feminized activity).

anyhow, tomorrow i will wake and enjoy the limits on government my "free" society provides for me. coal plants built before 1970 can pump out as much crap as they want, media conglomerates can buy unfettered radio after radio after telly station, and it companies can outsource labor for how ever cheap they want, but neither you nor i can choose who we'd like to hold hands and share health insurance with.

how now? you wonder about the literal? there was once a time when bullshit was the last remaining literal expression, but that was before el toro grew irate with the paltered nature of bildo and painted him the dissembler.

whether showering, knitting, or out and about on an unseasonably warm day, the pendulum constantly swings. there are moments when it flutters past my nose--causing me to sneeze--as i consider the depravity of the pedestrian, and there are also moments that i rely on another's vision to convince me of my own whereabouts. it's an equilibrium that will ultimately draw a soft sketch around my luminality, but the pendulum i speak of in mildly disparaging fashion hasn't a fixed enough point for determining a solid point of reference.

metaphor much?

conor has five gears; i only have four. neither of us have a second.

i'm curious about the idea of rinsing off in other peoples' showers. is it loss of faith in oneself? or the appreciation of another's quirks?

smells like updog...

i've appended a few more reasons to why i own an extreme dislike of our awol-in-chief. first, he's cutting in on the market share i've worked so hard to establish as a male dancer:



second, now that a "beautician" at fantastic sams has given me the military cut, i'm dripping both brown and yellow over the possibility of getting shipped to iraq. have you ever seen me fire a gun?

as i walked away from seminar tonight, i began to conceptualize the new single on my upcoming ep: this is the first song written that doesn't say baby. since i'm going to drink gas the next time harry calls charlotte "baby", i might as well make a few hundie off my musical "genius." however, vanguard of the english dialect i pretend to be, "baby" is somewhat more troubling than noxious. my thoughts are that babies are incapable of self-sufficiency; without a caretaker, they would become authentically cabbage patch and wither away. does the physical reality of a baby's situation suggest the referencing of a loved one as "baby" is indicativer of his/her depenency on your love and affection? is your "baby" going to up and die without your affirmation? or are babies so endearing that the connotation is more gagagoosldedalfina?

remember: no one puts baby in a corner.

selah...i've finally swam into the shallow end of this hate pool doug e fresh built for me and had myself a utopiate. i want to make out with someone just b/c the guy ahead of me in the right lane was stopped at a red light but got over so i could turn. i wasn't worried about the two minutes i shaved from my commute, but i appreciate that not everyone is a self absorbed arsehole muthafucka. like me. this chap's beneficience called to mind the five straight days bahg-ner gave a recital:

i want to thank youuuuuuuuu
whoever you are
you let me change lanes
while i was driving in my car

buy the by...dylan mckay, or bmy, or whatever you want to call him, has flown off to japan with his remarkably beautiful girlfriend. the point? uhahno. oh, ben's been doing some writing for freechoicemedia.com. i feel the least i can do for a friend is steer the twos of my audience toward his thoughts on gift shop trumpery.

loren and i were perusing examples of cover letters that students from last year's mac used to score jobs. my only thought: ¿como?

i understand you may be somewhat compatible with a school's mission statement; or you could feel an affinity with it; or you could possibly even be inspired. but to find yourself awash in ideological bliss is straight-butt overkill. fuck, dood; simply mention how your own philosophy resonates with the school's mission statement and call it a day. if you're not willing to uproot birchen ash to fight the good fight, fine; but cut coupons and save your soul--as well as ensuing administrative laughter--by steering clear of the game.

i suppose that's why i've decided to chase employment in the public sector. no way in hell could i "sell" my skills in the private economy. nope, i'm going to purchase a house, car, yearly holiday, towels, yogurt, etc. with dwindling public funds.

regardless the degree of kick when running into someone i've kicked it with before, i always find it interesting when:

a. she's married (esp. if i was the guy just before THE ONE).

b. she has a child.

and now c. she's gone lesbian. or discovered she was. or whatever.

i once went on a date with a lovely lady. i took her to ashley's to have a couple drinks; fortunately or unfortunately, we had a FEW drinks and my $40 wasn't enough to cover the tab.

"uhhh...you have $10?"

yeah, well...i ran into her last night. her girlfriend, too. we were at the cloud nine show and i told them i would burn them each a copy of c9's cd. lucky for me they can share...

i must have been listening to def too much as of late; my socks are soggy b/c i've been walking through puddles of hate. to wit: i hate the wanker that asks, "can i have a hamburger instead of a cheeseburger?" does no cheese, sil-vous-plait not suffice?

yes you, bronson...

i've found a good assessment of character to be whether or not someone unlocks your car door after you've done the courtesy of unlocking his/her's first. while neither absolute nor comprehensive, it illustrates candidly one's balance between egocentrism and empathy.

a second litmus test is how agreeable one is to favors, especially when the person petitioning for said favor has demonstrated remarkable courtesy to that person in the past. courtesy isn't courtesy unless motives are truly altruistic; however, it's not malignant to assume the occasional *favor* isn't too much to ask in return. i don't take issue to whether or not the favor is granted, but rather the terms that are appended to an "agreeable nature."

yes, i'll loan you $5, but you have to pay me back $10.

yes, you can spend the night, but only if you clean my house.

yes, i can drive you five miles out of the way, but only if you pay me for a week's worth of gas.

yes, i can pick you up some beer on my way over, but only if you order the pissa.

nate's suggestion: hey, remember when i bought you a pabst three months ago? this round's on you, right?

etc.

perhaps i'm a tad overreactive, but asking for favors is becoming euphemism for perhaps i should reevaluate this "friendship." it appears there's a thin line between friendship and proximity, and unless there's sand on the floor it's hard to gauge where that line is drawn.

i feel dildo-smacked that i spent the last three hours dreaming of three hours from then; i suppose i'll want three hours more to live life to the fullest as i'm laying in my death-bed full of aids, cancer, and the syph.

WE LOVE THE SUBS!
COZ THEY ARE GOOD TO US!
THE QUIZNOS SUBS!
THEY ARE TASTY THEY ARE CRUNCHY
THEY ARE WARM BECAUSE THEY TOAST THEM!

i was thinking about the utility of aftershave today--perchance it was something cory mentioned before--and started thinking of the process in relationship to cheese grating. the blue sting pulls together raw face much the same way yellow cheese pours through the cavernous grater. i always thought the block of cheese bore the pain throughout the grating process, but now i wonder: does the cheese in fact assuage the grater's lonliness?

Thank you bloggers that enjoyed my bday celebration with me. I had fun. I also had too much to drink. I guess age doesn't invrease your wisdom or self control to moderate. But what the hell... I'm 24 now.

awol's tête-à-tête with tim russert gets the breakdown from the center for american progress.

but my favorite part from the interview: "A free Iraq will make it easier for other children in our own country to grow up in a safer world because in the Middle East is where you find the hatred and violence that enables the enemy to recruit its killers."

eh? have i mentioned what a wanker our president is?

beanie's bday isn't technically till tuesday the 10th, but sign-in begins today. there's a comments section, leave a message...

You know what this blog needs....

the next time someone mentions the prevarications of lawyers, i will simply refer him/her to the people commonly spoken of as "doctors."

and i realize noone knows what i'm talking aboot, but this is for a limited few: i saw midgets having sex with a keebler elve earlier this evening.

I don't think I really need to say anything about this, but all comments are invited. Enjoy, beeeyotchezz.

so i have a new favorite bar character; who he replaces, i don't know. anyhow, this guy is the one who fails to have a good time whenever he goes out, but somehow this time's going to be different.

it's not.

he gets to the bar and realizes what a wretched idea it was to come out. but he's already ordered a pint. he's now faced with a tough decision to make: either feign interest in the fifth rerun of sportcenter ("oh man...i HAVE to catch the memphis/toronto highlights...") or pull the "i come here for the music" card. "fooken eh...this chingy is ah-may-zing!!! most blokes opt for the latter; at least it looks like they're part of the scene. plus, they might have a chance with...

this is rather surprising: bush orders inquiry into intelligence lapses.

or not. my guess is awol mines the it wasn't my fault excuse from the inevitable findings. i wonder if the commission will look not only at the gathering of intelligence, but also the pick-and-choose procedure. selah...

all i recall from the 11 months and 4 days i was listed as a crim major is how instances of domestic abuse *skyrocket* on superbowel sunday. whether it's true or not echoes feebly when one considers dom.abuse is a problem in the first place.

there've been a few occassions where i've held conversation about this with the type of person who's convinced the straight white male is the single most discriminated against demographic. the standard response has been: how is it any different if a guy hits a girl than if a guy hits a guy? violence is bad all around... perhaps i'm missing something here?

edit: i fixed the laugh your ass off link.

Can we use this blog to get back to important matters.....

such as, what are we doing to celebrate the pivotal age of 24?