i don't necessarily think my niece is cuter than one you might have, but she is. see. and for the record, she's neither a boy nor black, though my other sobrina is. black, not a boy.

i was subbing a first-grade class in a catholic school and had to take the kids down to music class or art class or gym or some other class catholic students still have in their curriculum that public students don't. one of the boys was holding the door for his classmates and when i passed through said, two words: door holder.

- that's three words.

- [counting on his fingers] oh.

i should feel bad, but i don't. after all, i'm a reverend, and the less smart i make little catholic children now the easier proselytization will be when they're big catholic adults. and even if i felt the slightest bit of compunction after my mini-lesson of sorts, it would've no doubt evaporated as i listened to two of them argue over whose father had the better porsche. a class warrior has no mercy, especially a reverend: we all know what YHWH had to say about sparing the women and children...

but seriously, becoming reverend has put me in a state of perpetual ostentatiousness. i don't know if i believe in god, but i do know i've become rather smug when talking to ppl with less spiritual authority than i have, which means i should probably take the position there is a god considering that's where i derive my theological license. anyone need me to pray for them, something about the father, son, and the allah akbar?

i've apparently gained 60 lbs since the last time you saw me:



that's odd. i don't have a job and can't afford food, so it's not like i eat all that much. it must have been a shift in my priorities, from daily exercise to spiritual queries. why run when i can consider the nature of g-d, eh? my running has hitherto been a literal manifestation of figurative insecurities, but i've finally abnegated them by re-establishing a foundation in the knowledge of YHWH. i know so much, in fact, that not only am i fat, but i've also been ordained. my new name: rev. jeremy p. polio. recognize, my flock, unless you'd prefer to be my colleague in churchary, in which case you should recognize yrself. totally legal, at the very least...

pain is generally a missed opportunity, but sometimes it's palpable, like the end of a relationship.

these last few months have found me full of teenage angst, or a titular fan of overly emotive emo. sorry, africa's a hard place to say goodbye to, especially when yr degree doesn't correlate to this american notion of year-round employment. the weather's not so accommodating, either. shoes?

the 45 consecutive days of above-average temperatures caused me to scoff at the notice sent by the gas company about cutting off service, but as luck - or stupidity? - would have it, they followed through with their generally idle threats on the very day the weather plummeted to below-average. winter in chicago is cold, but a bottle of jack is warm...

i went to the cps teacher recruitment fair today. the very first person i talked to said, i'm giving you a call next week. i'll have my secretary phone you to set up an interview at your convenience. i totally packed up right then and there, put sexy boy on my ipod, and left the building. i should point out that i'm still unemployed and without income..

i've been applying for bartender jobs to stop the pecuniary hemorrhaging from my checking while i look around for a teaching gig. i finally had an interview this past saturday. i don't know what line of questioning i had expected, but i definitely wasn't ready for, i have a pile of applications; why you?

-b/c i'm not a douche.

apparently i am. the interview lasted about three minutes. that's a good thing, right?