Buh-bye

My little babies are graduating junior high tomorrow. Well, not graduating, per se, Koko and all, things done differently. My "little babies" actually finished finals two months ago and have basically been held in holding cells since then, classrooms much cheaper than babysitters. And they don't actually graduate tomorrow because they return to school six weeks from now for some magical, rando, three days of school for no good reason in the middle of February. They technically graduate then, but I won't be there so we'll just call it a day tomorrow morning.



Here's a video put together with all the deft cunning of a 4th grade caveboy from 1951. Windows Movie Maker is so easy to use but ja, so easy to use. You get what you pay (pirate) for, eh. I'd planned to do one for each of my 10 9th grade classes, but considering all the work it took just to get them to sit still for five minutes as well as write three half-sentences on a questionnaire...I'll figure something else out. But I will figure something else out since these aren't actually my 9th graders, they're 3rd graders. Each phase of Korean schooling resets to 1, so you have grades 1 through 6 elementary, 1 through 3 junior high, and 1 through 3 high school. My 9th/3rd graders were in 1st grade when I got here, so I've actually witnessed them progress through an entire phase of their lives. Have even had fun all week showing them photos I took of them in class when they were also just starting at Seokchon. When school opens back up in March it'll be my first day at work these kids weren't also there, which is kind of sad in a way I don't usually think about goodbyes, sniff sniff.

Was real, I suppose. Best of luck and a horrible video.

Schollies

Been thinking about my non-profit quite a bit lately since the money I promised some kids is due mid-January, which of course I waited till the very tail end of the year to raise the dosh I need so I'm not stuck paying $2000 out of pocket. Ran a bus par-tay in November then a date auction on Christmas Eve Eve so think I got in just under the gun. Phew, because Namibian grade 10 results were released a few days ago and now that I have names I also have faces, albeit the 4th grade version of their heads:



Congrats, kidz, we're paying for your high school. Whoooooo!!!

So that's out of the way. I ask you now to pay special attention to okunona second from the left because he is of special interest to this blog. His name is Petrus:



When I first arrived in Onyati Petrus would show up at my back door every day in between 5.30 and 6.00. From there he'd tag along while I went for my daily run or wait until I was back so we could play soccer or football. (By football I mean we took penalty kicks with an American football.) He didn't say much, just tagged along and broke half the things in my house, so I imagined this must be what it's like to have a dog. Pretty soon I didn't need to imagine anymore because I had an actual dog, Sancho, which explains Petrus' true relevance to this blog: his psychopathic liar of a mom AKA Madam Principal who left for school every day a good hour after the first bell, and even then she'd stop most days for a beer before actually getting her azz to work. All fine and good, I suppose, but where this affected me was a time before I knew any of this about her, when I ran past her homestead with Sancho and two dogs came ripping over to get their guard on. They both looked like Sancho, so I thought nothing was amiss when she said my dog was actually hers but NBD, I could keep her. So blah blah blah fast forward six months later when I'm arguing twice a week with some witch doctor because he says I stole his dog and I say he should fuck off. Finally made sense later when I figured out who in the village was who, but by then my dog was eaten and I had a rep among the locals for lifting dogs. Now I'm paying for Petrus to go to high school but good because his mom's probably passed out under a tree.

Dynasty

Don't follow professional football but I do know the Lions just made the playoffs for the first time since a set of 317-year-old twins looked like this, in jolly old England:



Perspective, though. As far as homegirls are concerned the Lions are in the playoffs every year.

The Collapse of KJI's South Korean Economy

Came across some new photos from Noko yesterday morning and was this close to writing one whole post about how the country has 1982 on lockdown. For the realz, the least they can do is update their technicolor, amirite?



But just as I was leaving for lunch I heard Kim Jong-il died so decided not to bother. Two seconds later the economy was in free fall because OMG SELL SELL SELL whenever some walrus off the coast of Russia has come down with a mild cold. Half expected to fight off looters on my way to the restaurant I eat at every day but got there without any hassle since they were already inside tearing the place apart.



Quite the maelstrom to endure only to get back to the office and find I could have eaten pizza with my co-workers instead during their KJI is dead whoooooo par-tay. Well, that or it's the end of the school year and everyone's clearing out the last of their budgets. Same thing.



Later that night I joined a friend for makkoli so we could watch 19 straight hours of too bad the dick didn't die 20 years ago and oh ja the won loses 10% of its value every time we repeat the same story over and over and over coverage. Soko is a capitalist society far more advanced than Noko, so its establishments look like something out of the late rather than early 80s.



Then I went home and transferred all my American money Korea side since nothing tragic is going to happen for 400 years and the won is going to rebound by next Monday, meaning after transferring my dosh right back I'll have enough money to buy all four of my faithful readers a burrito, as long as they share.

Tteokbokki

Finally got my azz to Tteokbokki Town last weekend, partly because Melz wrote about it on her blog (peace be upon it) once but mostly because I love tteokbokki. And also because I was in Sindang area when homegirl was all, Let's go eat in Tteokbokki Town. Okay.

Here's a play-by-play using someone else's iPhone since I left my camera at home. I could have just stolen hi-def photos off some rando blog and claimed them as my own, but I didn't eat their tteokbokki; I ate ours.

Play-by-play
This is the fancy pants tteokbokki you get when you order tteokbokki in Tteokbokki Town. It's different from the tteokbokki you get when you order tteokbokki somewhere other than Tteokbokki Town because all they give you on the street is the tteok, some fish cake, and a lot of sauce. In Tteokbokki Town you get all that plus ramen, dumplings, vegetables, boiled eggs, and whatever else you're willing to pay for AKA meat, but I don't eat meat so shut up.




This is the fancy pants tteokbokki you get when you order tteokbokki in Tteokbokki Town after it's cooked in front of your face:




This is what your mouth looks like when you eat the fancy pants tteokbokki you get when you order tteokbokki in Tteokbokki Town:



I love Tteokbokki Town.

Bring Your Blog to Work Day

Korea spends more time at the office than any other country in the American sphere of galactic influence, which understandably places a lot of stress on inter-personal relationships. To help help ease the burden on families, Kim Jong-eun, the Crown President-elect of Japan's Imperial Korean Occupation, has mandated parents bring their children to work one day every month so they'll understand exactly why daddy loves the boss more than his own spawn. Me, I don't take care of any of my chilluns so brought the next best thing instead, my blog.

Well, here you go, Blog, Jr., this is what I do every day:



Go to school regularly, split your time equally between As and Bs, sleep through 1st and 5th periods, make sure your grad school compensates for a directional undergrad degree, and voila, one day you too will be living the Korean dream.

Korean as a Second Language: Ajumma

Presented without commentary aside from what's inherit in even posting this in the first place. Also, so anyone not-Koko side reading this has a proper conception of what I mean whenever I ever bring up ajummas, i.e. Run DMC's grandma just to the right of menopause. 

The Week Ahead

I'm going to dominate it in the face. And the next one too. Then comes Xmas and a bowl of soup so guess I'll take a little break then.

Seoul Wedding Tour

Homegirl - code name: Sarah - and I wanted to travel together so we went to an agent who put us on the next available bus. I was expecting Paraguay or Indonesia or something but apparently all he had available was a six-week stretch of three separate weddings.

Here are the postcards we sent you along with a message on the back. There are no stamps because this is the internet, silly.

Christian and Marina


I don't actually know Christian but Marina is one fine, badazz lady. Everyone boy side who's ever met her has said Damn! at least seven times. I said it eight, actually, but the last time was because I was happy Sarah and I met at her despedida right before Marina left for NYC, which is where she found her man. After their wedding they left Seoul for a week in France then returned to NYC to be professionals and all that.


Lawrence and Soyeun


Lawrence is a friend from the football team. Homeboy's so nice he even came over to watch the Michigan/OSU game so I wouldn't be all by my lonesome during the single most seminal moment of my life. YOU HAVE YOUR GUILTY PLEASURES AND I HAVE MINE!!! Sarah met Soyeun when our team had some bonding getaway in the sticks. Guy who put it together was like, $50 yo, whether you come alone or with your girlfriend. Sarah wasn't my girlfriend but economics, right? Someone had to eat my share of whatever meat they bought.

Marriage is actually the second for both of them. A bit of semantics there since both their first marriages were to each other only two months before, but giggle giggle nonetheless because you thought they were divorced when really Canadian ceremony for his family, Korean for hers.


Jaehyun and Kyungjin


Sarah doesn't actually know either of them but I do because Kyungjin is an English teacher at Seokchon. Poor lady is also the one I always ask to call the wine buffet place to make a reservation for me and 7000 other friends. They honeymooned at the Maldives while I looked at photos of the Maldives online. This was my first Catholic wedding in Korea and Sarah's first ever. Afterwards she went home and I went to Itaewon to manage a fundraiser for my non-profit. I'd tell you more but postcards are small and there's no more room for me to write.


Summary
Sarah's birthday was last Friday. I baked her a cake by sewing together wedding cake I collected throughout our tour. I need to buy a second suit but no more belt buckles because I have like 400 of them. Sarah said the homily at Jaehyun and Kyungjin's wedding was the most beautiful she'd ever heard but I said she was wrong because mine was so much better.

Official Jeonsa Retirement from Jeonsa

Getting my KNFL championship on! Homeboys are carrying me off the field because I was so exhausted from...



...imagining what it would be like to score the game-winning TD.

While that should be my favorite image from the celebrations - so in love with myself - my actual favorite is the one of a man on opposite ends of WHOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO! Homeboy drops the bass when he snores, yo.



More photos hurr.

Nostalgic for Nostalgia

While growing up in Michigan I was sure to tell everyone I first grew up in Oregon.

Onda Hala Okugaluka koAfrika

Africa is the best continent in the universe.



Hate to tell my family but once I'm done with Koko I'll be home long enough to kiss everyone goodbye because back to the homestead. I like vitamin D.

Ground-Rule Double

The annual teacher-student soccer match played every few years:



I scored my first goal ever. Not sure if it was an accident or not but was definitely one of those days where I'd close my eyes, stick my foot out, and the ball would travel forward instead of backward, as it tends to do. Phew, a long way away from my days as a keeper on my teacher's team in Africa, where they went so far as to make a no back passes to Jeremy rule.

Funniest thing about this photo is that I'm the tallest teacher, if only because the actual tallest teacher is crouched down there in the first row. Otherwise, I was under the impression Koreans have gotten substantially taller since industrializing, something like 3 to 6 inches. Guess that means subsequent generations are taller, not that an individual Korean will hit a growth spurt in his 40s just because the rest of the country's eating better than when he was 14. Erg, should have paid closer attention in biology class. 

Go Whoooooooo!

Figure watching this over and over is the same as winning seven straight years, so excuse me while I watch it an eighth.

OSUcks

Ohio State game is tomorrow. I looked back at all the other years I wrote about The Game - 2010, 2009, 2006, and even 2005 from from Namibia - and noticed I'd repeated myself, at least the last two years, about the OSU game being my Christmas morning. Well, true, because I specifically remember wasting every opportunity I had on Santa's lap to ask for a pony and then every fake OSU Christmas morning I'd rush downstairs (roll out of bed in my studio flat) to unwrap the biggest giftbox under the tree (turn my computer on) only to find a dookie inside. Maybe it came from a pony, I don't know, but still, a dookie.

My singular prep for this year has been an album on Facebook documenting just how long it's been since Michigan won the Ohio State game. You should have a look: it's my finest work. Made a lot of promises so going to be a busy Sunday morning with accounting considering this is the one time since forever Michigan seems mildly capable of winning and Ohio State appears, uh, not good?

New Old Car

Bought myself a car last week. Can't drive it here in Koko because it's somewhere in Amurka. Here's a photo of me test driving that bad boy:



Mad fuel efficiency, at least as far as petrol goes. That and I can drive it across borders without inquiring about right- or left-side driving because I'll just use the entire road, thank you very much.

Peppero Recap

The commercial success of this blog is predicated on our reputation for being out in front of breaking news. So here's the report I'm filing on Peppero Day a full six days after actual Peppero Day. It counts as breaking news because this is how homeboy finally nutted up to ask some girl to smoke cigarettes with him after school:




And here's how she answered:



Better luck next time, yo. Ja, I may have constructed that narrative out of thin air - unless his lady pees standing up - but broken hearts are a whole lot cheaper when you skip the $30 worth of shitty biscuit sticks and are simply nice to madamoiselle instead.

/Namusic

I wish that's how Namibian music were branded, at least internally. Makes sense to me considering they already call it Namusic. You know, Namibia = Nam, Nam and music can share the one M since we're all family here, only now we throw in the alveolar click sound, /. /Na is the Damara-Nama word for good, great, cool, etc. that is part of the Namibian lingua franca, so in a sense saying three things at once by using /Namusic. You can send my fan mail to Madison Avenue. Before, however, why don't you enjoy a solid Namjam:



Dayum, Gina, where did that come from? That ain't no kwaito, foo' azz foo'. Trying to make sense of homeboy's route, though: wakes up in Katatura, foots it all the way to central Whk, then continues onto...South Africa? Watch out for the Mariental Boers, yo: Relocate those guys to Alabamar and the only concern they'd have is "Waar is die braai?"

Urban Foraging

Happened upon a woman rifling through some leaves on the sidewalk because there was some food underneath. Not the real food you buy in a store but the fake kind that grows on trees. What are you, I asked, homeless? In Spanish, of course, so she didn't answer. Lucky for her this is the Socialist Republic of Kim Jong-il's 27th Favorite Country and she can look for more free food tomorrow. Were this the United Monsanto States of Con-Agra some Senator from Iowa would have already forged the President's signature on a law banning even looking at food made with something other than corn fructose.



Took a photo with my imaginary camera because my real one was at home. That shot was better than the one I took after going to get it since all I have now to document this vagrant is a blurry image of her walking proudly off with her booty, probably to some restaurant where I'm going to pay real money for whatever it is in those bags.

Hygossipy

Eish, I hate gossip...



...except for all those times I'm talking about other people. Fools need to mind their own bidness, yo.

Spot On

I'm not in the market for a Korean boyfriend, but just in case you are:




Sometimes I'm in the market for a Korean girlfriend, so just in case you are too:



Ja, I know, same video, whatevs. Watch at least one of them and you'll understand Korean ladies as well as every impression I do ad nauseum the five years after I finally leave this place.

Bourist Redux

My 9th graders started their finals yesterday a full two months before school actually lets out AKA classroom management nosedive, so rather than go to school and sit around not teaching the classes I didn't have, I came down with a case of explosive fake diarrhea instead because who's going to verify that? Oh, oh, 10.00 am wake up call so I could retrace my steps from last year to Biwon, only this time I got there two hours early rather than 45 minutes late since they don't let you in without a tour guide, and because I was Jong-min Whitey they refused to let me in with the Korean tour group even though I asked to join in Korean, nor would they let me join the Japanese tour leaving a half hour later even though I asked in pouty face.

Selah, sat around waiting for the English tour guide I wasn't going to listen to anyhow since the goal of taking photos anywhere is to pretend the 4000 other tourists don't exist, which meant I'd planned to malinger in the back, well out of earshot. So ja, lots of photos. I'm only publishing two because it's my blog and why would I want to bore you with a slideshow of me me me after seven years of writing about me me me?



The king's library over looking a small fishing pond. Apparently whenever homeboy would catch a fish a small orchestra would jam out some rando song, the end a signal to release the poor little guppy back into the waters. I would have missed that small bit of trivia on the Korean tour, no doubt, so gracias, two-hour wait.




Some pagoda buried deep in the autumn leaves. I'd have taken a nap here but surprise, the one time in my life I was wide awake. That and the old man trailing the group whose job it was to shoo the tourist debris along.

So one whole year passed between my first big excursion into Seoul tourism and actually getting to see what I wanted to. I don't know if it was worth the wait but since I had to for so long I'll just go ahead and say it was.

K-pooped

My blog likes this song a lot, if only because it's been slightly modified in my classroom as "Roly poly, roly roly poly...o!" Or as my students sing it: 롤리폴리, 롤리롤리폴리...오!

Fortpolio

One of these days, when I go a looking for a new job, I'm going to have to put together my teaching portfolio, part of which includes staged photos of a me relating well to my students, as if once the photo's been taken and everyone's done smiling I don't get out the switch and resume whooping azz.

While I take a ton of photos of school life, I rarely appear in any of them, which according to my profile means I've never actually taught since I don't save examples of student work either. I suppose I have a couple shots from my glory days in Af-ree-ka, but, uh...



...two years without using a hair brush even once, so hahahaha no. But sigh, I waited till school festival when everyone was happy and forgot they hated me to be all, Hey kids, take a photo with your Englishee tea-cheo! So ja, some photos.

Here are two girls who just spent five minutes rearranging their bangs so they'd look exactly like they did when they first started rearranging their bangs five minutes earlier.




Kid on the left doesn't speak English very well but his hands speak fluent pickpocket. Every time I see him I pet his head - because he's about 2'11" - and he in turn begins rifling through my pockets without so much as a "I'm fine." Kid on the right can't be bothered with school but every time I ask him for his work he just points to his shirt and I give him an A.




This girl is fairly sweet, at least until she forgets her ADD pills and starts text messaging right in front of me during class. I'm generally every Korean bad word for the week I keep her phone locked up afterward, but I don't have it this week so we're getting along well enough to have taken a photo together.




Some kids wearing pajamas to school just because you're allowed to nap in Korean schools, as long as you're on salary. I think the kid trying to climb my head has a cay grush on me, which is why every time he sees me in the hall he screams: "Oh handsome Polio, I love you!" I generally break into a dead sprint the other way.




I have one other photo but I look silly, so here's a video instead:



And another because I swear, you walk into any Korean classroom, North or South, and students break into spontaneous choreographed dance.

Bienvenidos a Seokchon

I usually come to school through the side gate, but I was, er, a bit, uh, late Friday, yeah, and had to come through the main entrance instead since the others were already locked by the time I casually announced my presence. Benefit of being tardy was that I'd never noticed before how welcoming campus looks:



Feel free to enroll your spawn.

The Danger Zone

Saw these fly overhead while at school yesterday:



Figured they were flying maneuvers and was as all OMG NORTH KOREAN WAR ZONE LIFE IS SO PRECARIOUS CARPE DIEM EVERY DAY BUT MONDAY DUCK AND COVERRRRRRR!!! Then a friend told me there was an air show this weekend so BFD, brah. I suppose merely living in Seoul isn't the adrenaline rush I make it out to be, especially now while sitting in front of my computer, four seconds away from a Saturday afternoon nap.

LMB in DTW

The Korean President was just in Detroit signing some you'll sell more shit but work for less free trade deal with Obama.



Just saying: hopefully there's something in that FTA about importing knockoff MLB hats, because the cheapies I see all over Seoul look much better than that free hat with a large pizza homeboy wore all day while pretending Koreans will ever drive Fords instead of Kias.

Community Bulletin

As an independently-owned and -operated blog, I'm basically the web 2.0 version of a small community newspaper, meaning I need to do a better job of covering the niche issues my readership craves. Aside from me me me, of course. A staple of community reporting is actually reporting on the community, so a brief two-page spread to catch you up on the lives of other ISWYD reader(s).

Cory Sieg

Cory recently became affianced to his pur-tay lady friend, Lisa.



Relevance to me and, I suppose, you? Amurkan half of wedding in June: Sorry, still living in Koko. Indian half in early 2013: Sorry, just checked my Mayan planner and can't make that one either.


Me

I tried to make a block in a football game we lost by one point.



I only had one penalty this game and it wasn't even a personal foul. Think I also had a tackle since the guy who was about to run right past me skipped out of bounds instead.


Bronson

Uncle Eric learned Spanish, moved to Puerto Rico, started a band, and released a new video:





Goetzer



Jay Gee Whiz just ran his first marathon while sick and didn't even bother to train much. That's pretty jeonsa x 10000. 


Me again, my blog and all

I just joined some mentorship program. Pretty solid influence, yo.





My students



Went to PE class.


Maggie Love

My niece tried out for her first babysitting gig. I think her auntie will give her the benefit of the doubt the twins probably won't.



For the realz, I first saw this photo two weeks ago and haven't stopped laughing since.


The rest of my friends

Total losers or I'd still be writing.

Private Dicking

Entrepreneurial types on the peninsula have found a new way to make rent without incurring too much overhead: tattling. You can click on that link but since you're reading my blog you're probably also reading The New York Times just to keep up appearances, so fair warning since I wouldn't want you to burn through your 20 articles/month quota because really, who pays for digital subscriptions? Guess I'll just summarize:



Go go gadget camera, right? Take enough photos of people buh-raking the law then you can buy a fancy-pants camera because, er, wouldn't a point-and-shoot work just as well?

Action Shots

Me making the first of my one tackles:



In France they would call me Le Superstar.

Bless You Serendipitous

Baseball playoffs start when I wake up in the morning. Generally don't give two wait, what, who's playing?



OMG THE TIGERS!!! Before two weeks ago they hadn't won a divisional title since 1987. The one before was in 1984, when they also won the World Series, meaning I went through junior high, high school, college, grad school, my 30s, and half my 40s without a single WHOOOOO HOOOOOO!!! I suppose they made the playoffs in 2006, and even went to the World Series, but I only got to see a single playoff game on some busted azz 10-inch screen here. Everything else was two-day-old news broadcasts on the VOA and a customs agent welcoming me back to the States with a "Sorry, bud" after I asked who'd won game 5, played while I was flying home from Af-ree-ka.

So ja, my first. I suppose it's not my first first considering I have vivid memories of the previous two winners, but those memories don't necessarily center as much on actual baseball as they do my growing relationship with the Tigers. Basically, I remember the excitement in Detroit during the 84 season but also that I was more interested then in painting my mouth with chocolate ice cream than watching nine innings of anything but cartoons; and in 87 I lived in Oregon, where games started at 4 pm and pshhhhh watching the telly while the sun was still out. It was only after they lost the ALCS that I decided to be all sad Keanu about it.

So now we have 2011, which will probably be another World Series because my viewing experience this year has been entirely serendipitous so why shouldn't they win? Like:

- One time I woke up in the middle of the night and randomly opened my laptop to see the score. Was all ¿Qué? when I noticed Justin Verlander had a no hitter going against the Angels. Didn't get it but the game turned out to include one of the more pivotal moments of the season.

- A few weeks later I woke up during normal morning hours to check the score against the Indians. Got the mlb.tv fired up just as the Tigers were about to blow a huge lead, but the second pitch I saw was hit to Austin Jackson, who then threw the tying run out at the plate, game over. Did a single fist pump and went back to bed.

- Maybe a week later was in English class "lecturing" when I paused for a second because the beisbol is more important than subject-verb agreement. Toggled over just as Ramon Santiago hit a walk-off home run against Kansas City. I squealed like a little girl, the students laughed at me, then we resumed class like nothing had happened.

- And about three weeks ago was trying oh-so-desperately to stay awake during Michigan's first football game to see if I won the dosh I'd bet on it but there were a million rain delays. Watched the Tigers instead, who were losing at the time 500-4. But then Ryan Raburn hit a home run to tie the game in the 9th and four seconds later Miguel Cabrera hit another to win.

That those and 80 other games were the only ones I watched this season obviously means the Tigers are going to win the Series against Philadelphia in 7, for the realz. I asked Jobu and he said most def that's true because perfect timing and blah blah blah.

Burgeoning

At this age my birthday is really nothing more than an opportunity for my mama to reminisce over my toddler years even though she didn't meet me until I was 8.



For the reals, had I (1) any say in the matter and (2) known you have to wear pants in Amurka, my family would have stayed in Germany FOR-EV-ER!

Trivia

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Brendan

Esther was my roommate in Namibia and Brendan was her boyfriend. They made a nice couple.




Then they got married.




Both were math teachers when they met and soon after getting married were both principals, a power couple. In between the professional advancement was a nice house in Ondangwa and a beautiful daughter, Nzizi.

But fuck, man, earlier this month Brendan just got sick and died, something to do with spinal cords and shitty African mobile service so I couldn't make out all the news. Not like any of the details beyond WHAT?!?! were important since the only reason to even ask is to access that brief hope maybe you heard wrong and repeating the news will somehow cause things to have never happened in the first place. But you heard correctly the first time and you know it, but you just have to ask because how else do you deal with shock but procrastinate, if only for a split second?

Just horrible.




Brendan and Esther's engagement party:

I Need a Coooo-rect Babe!

A friend found an old video of a song I recorded with some friends in Nigeria way back in three days ago. I'm the guy jamming the bridge at 3.30...



...as long as you stand 10 feet from the monitor and squint.

미친 나라

Best part of this video is the description:

Ain't no party like a Pyongyang party, 'cause a Pyongyang party is ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!

It's easy to watch and think Kim Jong-il is rationing his people the crazy, but for the realz, Soko ain't all that different. Ever been to noraebang?

Las Cucharas

Thousands of adorable photos like this the next two years or whenever they develop enough language capacity to assert their individuality SO STOP DRESSING US IN MATCHING CLOTHES!, whichever comes first.

Corruption

It's becoming a regular feature of this blog to air complaints about just how bored I am administering oral examinations. (Gah and gah.) Ja, so another week of plz plz just pretend your pencil is a javelin throw it at my ear make sure it's sharp plz plz puh-lzzzzzzzz!

Before speaking exams I give students a rubric so they understand how they're being evaluated, ostensibly. I mean, how many actually look it over beforehand? I'll say four since most of them try in vain to memorize scripted phrases from their book they or anyone who speaks English will never use even though I emphasized they're not important. This is what the testing environment ends up looking like: 



The girl whose photo I jocked off a Google Image search will maintain this pose for three entire minutes while trying to recall "That sounds wonderful!" in response to my scripted question about meeting for lunch when "Okay" would have sufficed. In the meantime I will have thought about how hungry I was, or what the Tigers score was, or if my ass really is this big or is it just all that rice. Repeat 35 times every 45-minute class and I must drink a bottle of canola oil to account for my brain physically seizing up.

So TGF for the occasional student who's used most of my English class as a smoke break and didn't bother studying:



You know, okay! Why not? I get that the difference in Koko between 90% and 100% on some rando junior high speaking test is also the difference between SKY admission and driving a North Korean taxi the rest of your life, but to me the difference is finishing during class or during my lunch break. Just asking for the full 20 marks would have been enough, but an appeal to my vanity and your friend can have 20 points as well, all without a single word. Easy enough, non?