all i have in life is the music i can't make, the words i won't write. they'd say how i love you, but i'm not sure what love is or even who you are.
unfortunately, this tide is wearing, especially in light of the bridges i've spent the last few days burning.
an admission of sorts: i was once fourteen and believed that christ had risen on the third morning. who needs substantiation when you have the compunction that comes about from overbearing parents? the burden of proof that the holy spirit took up in our lives came via speaking in tounges and a subsequent interpretation; sometimes i was allowed to drop the pretense and simply prophesize. whether i was called on or not, each meeting found my head in hands and feigning meditation while my frenzied mind struggled to weave together various shibboleths i've heard repeated over and over and over again by others (am i the only one who notices this, i think) once i absorbed the parallactic shock of being required to *fake it*, i sat mortified that my pounding heart or convulsed voice would betray the lacuna where the risen christ was supposed to sit on his throne. one time i fucked up and my dad confronted me about it.
-god wasn't speaking; you let yr own interpretation get in the way.
-no shit? my interpretation gets in the way all the time b/c I MAKE THIS SHIT UP!
but i really didn't say much other than, oh. dad had other things to tend, and i had stones to cast about in the yard.
for yr information (or fyi for those not involved with le resistance): someone wandered upon this blog by typing full picture of a person that has polio into yahoo. i come listed at #89, which means i wasn't as easily available as i was for the person who typed in how does polio affect the mind (#63).
more for yr informations: people other than my friends have their own friends named polio. which reminds me: i was out at leopolds once with morlie, jane, and some of their friends. one of them asked me why they called me polio.
- one of my legs is five inches shorter than the other.
according to news reports, or the guy himself, he spent the evening consciously refraining from looking at my legs. strangely perverted was it that he was the one walking about with a limp.
anyhow, i was watching this past weekend an interview aWol had with an irish television station. i'm still confused as to how to categorize his demeanor and delivery: is it desperate pleading or incredulous disdain for those who don't catch his logic? he seems to lean forward just a bit too much, perhaps to amplify the whimpering. at any rate, i was struck at the administrations effort to dictate the terms of relationship between it and the media. my idea of an interview with an independent press is more along the lines of a conversation, where interruptions occur to address reactions to the immediate and nuanced questions stimulated by various quips. in aWol's case, he became truculent whenever the interviewer met his responses with an obvious line of questions:
- but mr. president, how can you say--
- just a minute, will you let me finish. i'll finish what i was saying and then you can follow up.
it's dumbfounding to witness the entitlement gov't officials have when it comes to mapping out media contact. it's not like we, or the irish in this case, haven't heard those same talking points over and over and over these past few -and over months, yet aWol proceeds with an expectancy that he has an open mike. seriously, not a single person can argue that the world is worse of without saddam hussein in power isn't versatile enough to use as an answer for every fooken question posed on iraq.
but for things more domestic, i've learned tonight that i'll wait till after my children are grown and gone to ever divorce the wife. i have a pretty good sample of how a custody dispute might taste.
more for yr informations: people other than my friends have their own friends named polio. which reminds me: i was out at leopolds once with morlie, jane, and some of their friends. one of them asked me why they called me polio.
- one of my legs is five inches shorter than the other.
according to news reports, or the guy himself, he spent the evening consciously refraining from looking at my legs. strangely perverted was it that he was the one walking about with a limp.
anyhow, i was watching this past weekend an interview aWol had with an irish television station. i'm still confused as to how to categorize his demeanor and delivery: is it desperate pleading or incredulous disdain for those who don't catch his logic? he seems to lean forward just a bit too much, perhaps to amplify the whimpering. at any rate, i was struck at the administrations effort to dictate the terms of relationship between it and the media. my idea of an interview with an independent press is more along the lines of a conversation, where interruptions occur to address reactions to the immediate and nuanced questions stimulated by various quips. in aWol's case, he became truculent whenever the interviewer met his responses with an obvious line of questions:
- but mr. president, how can you say--
- just a minute, will you let me finish. i'll finish what i was saying and then you can follow up.
it's dumbfounding to witness the entitlement gov't officials have when it comes to mapping out media contact. it's not like we, or the irish in this case, haven't heard those same talking points over and over and over these past few -and over months, yet aWol proceeds with an expectancy that he has an open mike. seriously, not a single person can argue that the world is worse of without saddam hussein in power isn't versatile enough to use as an answer for every fooken question posed on iraq.
but for things more domestic, i've learned tonight that i'll wait till after my children are grown and gone to ever divorce the wife. i have a pretty good sample of how a custody dispute might taste.
red wine in glasses blown for white?
so marie finally up and left for malaysia. 'tis kind of odd considering how she agonized over choosing between leaving or remaining in anne arbour for a full ride through the school of public health. well, the agony actually belonged to me and whoever else had to listen to her bout with abulia. nevertheless, she is gone and anne arbour feels a bit more empty than yesterday. plus i have to pay for my coffee now, which sucks like not having her around.
she and i met under strange circumstances, so it was only fitting our friendship remained as such. strange, not circumstantial. she was originally a minutely peripheral individual, the girlfriend of a guy i was subletting from; it didn't occur to me i had reason to give her much more thought than i had at our intial encounter. but she eventually fingered me in amer's and i was glad b/c i could actually ask her about her ethnicity rather than sit in a booth and stare and ponder. so we became friends, and our dialogues occurred through a duration of weeks. not b/c we touched on subjects so hard to find a resolution for, but b/c i would do all our speaking five days at a time, to which she would respond with seven of her own.
our friendship has been maintained in much the same fashion these past two-point-five years, but the dialogues have acquired palpable shades of context now that her friends have become mine and her experiences more familiar. the things we say to one another still come from outer space, but our swirling mists of thought take root in things we each know and understand about the other. but only a little bit: she's still pretty odd, but i'm no better. a good reason for why i adore her.
egregious bookend foto:
i've found that whole praying thing to be overrated; either god doesn't give a fuck or (s)he's too old and deaf. or maybe (s)he's too busy looking out for its favorite football team: you better drop to a knee and point, motherfucker! anyhow, perhaps i can reach old YHWH if i switched to a better mobile carrier:
what are the chances that hay-sues was forsaken cause god wouldn't take his call till nighttime unlimited kicked in?
complimentary explanation
and it's been brought to my attention over and over and over by zusman wire services that africa's on the break of a polio outbreak. perchance this has something to do with my planned expatriation? hopefully, b/c i know nothing of curtailing epidemics, and it'd be hard to get a hold of g-o-d if my mobile has shit service.
what are the chances that hay-sues was forsaken cause god wouldn't take his call till nighttime unlimited kicked in?
complimentary explanation
and it's been brought to my attention over and over and over by zusman wire services that africa's on the break of a polio outbreak. perchance this has something to do with my planned expatriation? hopefully, b/c i know nothing of curtailing epidemics, and it'd be hard to get a hold of g-o-d if my mobile has shit service.
can you smell a flower in the grey city, miles away from all the pastures and cow shit
rummaged from tulips. can you pick through a field of flowers the way you would an old box of forgotten things.
and will those dusty memories be fresh with the taste of morning dew
so i can see that very real water evaporated into the waiting air, pulled propitiously toward the sun.
not yet; tomorrow when it's warmer.
rummaged from tulips. can you pick through a field of flowers the way you would an old box of forgotten things.
and will those dusty memories be fresh with the taste of morning dew
so i can see that very real water evaporated into the waiting air, pulled propitiously toward the sun.
not yet; tomorrow when it's warmer.
there are some people you call it quits with right at introduction b/c you know far too well that yr going to have shit luck with them. a disparate array of marie's friends got together for a carouse upon anne arbour and ended up at ashley's. i thought i recognized one of the waitresses and mentioned this to noone in particular. this she-monster at the end of the table makes as if she should check into it for me.
-that's ok; it won't do any good b/c i'm gay.
-oh yeah, i already knew that.
-[spitftftftf...]como??? wtf you mean i'm gay? do i look fooken gay? i'll fooken bootkick you. man.
ok, i'm done with the fooken womannator. buy the by, if you saw her arms you'd know what i mean. i should mention i didn't actually "see" her arms; i really only saw in my mind what it might look like if she decided to squash my head between her ape pits.
so ashley's tells us to get the fook out and we perambulate down to bigtenburrito. this eric dood's with us, who marie's fairly convinced looks just like me.
-what do you think, she asks robo-man.
-i don't see it.
-THAT'S CAUSE YR BLIND, i jump in. it's so fooken obvious we were split at birth. here, take my glasses; you need a second look.
-actually, i wear contacts. and i'm legally blind without them.
-ymmmm...this burrito is SO FOOKEN TASTY. [a bit quieter] and yeah, i guess we don't look alike.
so yeah...looks like i won't be phoning her anytime soon. unless, of course, i'm half gay and need to kick it with a ripped-to-split rocken dood-woman man thing.
-that's ok; it won't do any good b/c i'm gay.
-oh yeah, i already knew that.
-[spitftftftf...]como??? wtf you mean i'm gay? do i look fooken gay? i'll fooken bootkick you. man.
ok, i'm done with the fooken womannator. buy the by, if you saw her arms you'd know what i mean. i should mention i didn't actually "see" her arms; i really only saw in my mind what it might look like if she decided to squash my head between her ape pits.
so ashley's tells us to get the fook out and we perambulate down to bigtenburrito. this eric dood's with us, who marie's fairly convinced looks just like me.
-what do you think, she asks robo-man.
-i don't see it.
-THAT'S CAUSE YR BLIND, i jump in. it's so fooken obvious we were split at birth. here, take my glasses; you need a second look.
-actually, i wear contacts. and i'm legally blind without them.
-ymmmm...this burrito is SO FOOKEN TASTY. [a bit quieter] and yeah, i guess we don't look alike.
so yeah...looks like i won't be phoning her anytime soon. unless, of course, i'm half gay and need to kick it with a ripped-to-split rocken dood-woman man thing.
-hey, let's capture the moment...
take one: stop breathing in my ear, psycho
take two: i can't breathe, asshole
take three: the spontaneous entrapment of an amicable moment
take one: stop breathing in my ear, psycho
take two: i can't breathe, asshole
take three: the spontaneous entrapment of an amicable moment
me and my empty pockets found another way to circumvent work again, at least for another week. i was pilfering through my bag a bit earlier when i came across a promissary note i needed to sign for school to release the rest of my loan money. off to anne arbour i was, where i was to be confounded by the loan questionnaire that was similarly compulsory to the retrieval of "my" money. after digging and digging, sweating and sweating, and ultimately making up the addresses of my siblings, i came across this directive:
"list the name and address of three references you expect to maintain contact with throughout your life."
first line: kristi
second line: raquel
third line: [ ]
the first thought is nate, but he shares an exclusive (finally, eh) residence with kristi; the feds prolly want a bit more variety when they look for doors to break down (and they will need doors; $36,000?). my second thought is.....*question mark*. fook, i think, why'd i leave my mobile in the car? at least i could scroll through the address book to find a different candidate. but alas, i'm stuck picking my ass - which i generally enjoy - figuring out who's going to be seeing me on a semi-regular basis ten, fifteen, and possibly thirty years down the road. there are a lot of great and wonderful people i'm fortunate enough at the time to call friends, but the proximity has yet to be distilled. eric's a great guy; if i was getting married anytime soon i'd ask him to buy me a drink. but what happens when i'm in nova scotia and his head is still up his arse? are we still kicking it freestyle? and while i love and adore marie, which way does our relationship turn once she flies off to malaysia? i'd like to think, as well as assume, that our bond will be maintained, but who's to say it doesn't become a pair of unelastic sweatpants (mind you, i still wear them w/o the elasticity)?
ok, so i'm a lying piece of shyte about my inability to fill in that third line. bmy, shane, and conor all ran off to foreign lands and i still consider them great friends, as opposed to friends i used to be close with back in college. and there's still sarah jingjing. and a few others who have walked beyond this proverbial fence of close contact i continually insist as necessary for watering a continued friendship. i'm only bitching b/c mac's over and i'm beginning to buy squares on how long it takes for the discontinued phone calls and growing amount of time between emails. "life's good...what about you" can traverse the ever-widening casm so many times before both parties decide it's best to euthenize the inevitable. le sigh.
as to other things more pressing and important - say, god? - the supreme court made a decision re: "under god." sort of. i'm not arguing one way or the other, but to spend a lot more fooken public money on some bu.sh technicality feels like someone shaved my balls w/o the decency to use shaving cream. or water, for that matter. the issue's going to be heard, only now it has to work its way once again through the federal court system. one court's going to say yeah/nay, which really doesn't matter since it's going to be appealed, which doesn't really matter as well b/c it's all a charade till it gets back to the sc. thanks, wankers. maybe you could just kill the anticipation by declaring THE US CONSTITUTION SAYS JESUS CHRIST IS GOD. that'll show those godless atheists (i love redundancy)...
"list the name and address of three references you expect to maintain contact with throughout your life."
first line: kristi
second line: raquel
third line: [ ]
the first thought is nate, but he shares an exclusive (finally, eh) residence with kristi; the feds prolly want a bit more variety when they look for doors to break down (and they will need doors; $36,000?). my second thought is.....*question mark*. fook, i think, why'd i leave my mobile in the car? at least i could scroll through the address book to find a different candidate. but alas, i'm stuck picking my ass - which i generally enjoy - figuring out who's going to be seeing me on a semi-regular basis ten, fifteen, and possibly thirty years down the road. there are a lot of great and wonderful people i'm fortunate enough at the time to call friends, but the proximity has yet to be distilled. eric's a great guy; if i was getting married anytime soon i'd ask him to buy me a drink. but what happens when i'm in nova scotia and his head is still up his arse? are we still kicking it freestyle? and while i love and adore marie, which way does our relationship turn once she flies off to malaysia? i'd like to think, as well as assume, that our bond will be maintained, but who's to say it doesn't become a pair of unelastic sweatpants (mind you, i still wear them w/o the elasticity)?
ok, so i'm a lying piece of shyte about my inability to fill in that third line. bmy, shane, and conor all ran off to foreign lands and i still consider them great friends, as opposed to friends i used to be close with back in college. and there's still sarah jingjing. and a few others who have walked beyond this proverbial fence of close contact i continually insist as necessary for watering a continued friendship. i'm only bitching b/c mac's over and i'm beginning to buy squares on how long it takes for the discontinued phone calls and growing amount of time between emails. "life's good...what about you" can traverse the ever-widening casm so many times before both parties decide it's best to euthenize the inevitable. le sigh.
as to other things more pressing and important - say, god? - the supreme court made a decision re: "under god." sort of. i'm not arguing one way or the other, but to spend a lot more fooken public money on some bu.sh technicality feels like someone shaved my balls w/o the decency to use shaving cream. or water, for that matter. the issue's going to be heard, only now it has to work its way once again through the federal court system. one court's going to say yeah/nay, which really doesn't matter since it's going to be appealed, which doesn't really matter as well b/c it's all a charade till it gets back to the sc. thanks, wankers. maybe you could just kill the anticipation by declaring THE US CONSTITUTION SAYS JESUS CHRIST IS GOD. that'll show those godless atheists (i love redundancy)...
i was out at the bar last night when this hott ass lady walked over and started chatting me up. fooken sweet, i'm thinking. shorter than me, dark hair, nice legs, and no adam's apple. does it get any better?
fuck me silly, she said.
so i took her home and put on my clown suit.
fuck me silly, she said.
so i took her home and put on my clown suit.
if yr a guster fan, i recieved this email today:
Dear beloved Guster Rep, whether or not you are currently very active...
A week ago we released our first DVD, called "Guster On Ice" -- we like it a lot. It contains an extra where Adam receives a noodle kugel on it. And much more.
Some of the stores that are carrying it are selling it for like $28, which makes us pretty sad, and so we're making it available to you guys for just over cost -- $17. You can order them for your friends if they want them. You can order them for your parents if they want them, but if your parents are like mine, they don't have a DVD player.
Also, we can now sell Keep It Together through reps. Those are available for $10 for you guys, just like the other three Guster albums. The shipping is on the house for all rep orders too, remember.
So if you can find people in the market for DVDs or any of our CDs, feel free to call the office (reps@guster.com) if you need a refresher on how to place an order. Nine years after we added the TER to the GUS, we still find that the best way for us to get our music out to people is through our reps. Thanks for your help.
leave a comment if yr interested.
Dear beloved Guster Rep, whether or not you are currently very active...
A week ago we released our first DVD, called "Guster On Ice" -- we like it a lot. It contains an extra where Adam receives a noodle kugel on it. And much more.
Some of the stores that are carrying it are selling it for like $28, which makes us pretty sad, and so we're making it available to you guys for just over cost -- $17. You can order them for your friends if they want them. You can order them for your parents if they want them, but if your parents are like mine, they don't have a DVD player.
Also, we can now sell Keep It Together through reps. Those are available for $10 for you guys, just like the other three Guster albums. The shipping is on the house for all rep orders too, remember.
So if you can find people in the market for DVDs or any of our CDs, feel free to call the office (reps@guster.com) if you need a refresher on how to place an order. Nine years after we added the TER to the GUS, we still find that the best way for us to get our music out to people is through our reps. Thanks for your help.
leave a comment if yr interested.
